Doormats eh? Gracing the entrances to buildings for millenia. Truly marevllous things. Not these though, these are hideuous. Buy one anyway.
Our wesbite has ran into some problems so we're putting it on holiday mode for a week while we sort some shit out. Coding and that innit. Soz for any inconvenience.
Rainbow doormat
- £14.95
- This Rainbow doormat is amazing. We're sure your special uncle will think so too if you were to buy one for him.
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Classy As Fuck doormat
- £23.95
- Visitors may think you're scum so you're best off buying this Classy As Fuck doormat so they know the truth.
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I’m Dirty doormat
- £23.95
- This I'm Dirty doormat will make innocent visitors tut at the fact you don't polish your doormat whereas real people will smirk.
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Fuck Off doormat
- £23.95
- This Fuck Off doormat straight to the point. Why even bother having a converastion with visitors? Just point at your feet.
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Go Away doormat
- £23.95
- This Go Away doormat straight to the point. Why even bother having a converastion with visitors? Just point at your feet.
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Howdy doormat
- £23.95
- This Howdy doormat is a very rare thing...it's one of our products that's actually nice. We'll not make a habit of this, we promise!
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Hovel Sweet Hovel doormat
- £23.95
- This Hovel Sweet Hovel doormat warns the visitor of the mess that lies beyond. Just buy this and never ever clean?
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Nobody Gets Out Sober doormat
- £23.95
- This Nobody Gets Out Sober doormat is a both a doormat and a disclaimer. No visitors can complain if they leave in right a state.
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No Cunts doormat
- £23.95
- It's important that no cunts enter your dwelling. This No Cunts doormat will help ensure that your home is safe.
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No Fatties doormat
- £23.95
- It's important that no monsters enter your dwelling. This No Fatties doormat will help ensure that your home is safe from honey monsters.
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No Twats doormat
- £23.95
- It's vitally important that no ugly people enter your dwelling. This No Twats doormat will help ensure that your home is safe from knobs.
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No Uggos doormat
- £23.95
- It's vitally important that no ugly people enter your dwelling. This No Uggos doormat will help ensure that your home is safe from ugliness.
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Posh Cunts doormat
- £23.95
- With this Posh Cunts doormat, you're really setting your stall out to all visitors to your abode. They'll be expecting the royal treatment.
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Shit Tip doormat
- £23.95
- You don't have to be sweary and offensive to make your point. Indeed, you can make that point perfectly well with this Shit Tip doormat.
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Sod Off doormat
- £23.95
- You don't have to be sweary and offensive to make your point. Indeed, you can make that point perfectly well with this Sod Off doormat.
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Unwelcome doormat
- £23.95
- You don't have to be sweary and offensive to make your point. Indeed, you can make that point perfectly well with this Unwelcome doormat.
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Do One doormat
- £23.95
- You don't have to be sweary and offensive to make your point. Indeed, you can make that point perfectly well with this Do One doormat.
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VIP Area doormat
- £23.95
- Fool visitors into thinking they're both welcome and important with this tremendous VIP Area doormat. We don't sell Bouncers. Sorry.
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Bugger Off doormat
- £23.95
- This Bugger Off doormat isn't too subtle but there's definitely something to be said for being this direct.
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I’m Out doormat
- £23.95
- This I'm Out doormat is amazing. We're sure your special uncle will think so too if you were to buy one for him.
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We’re Out doormat
- £23.95
- This We're Out doormat is amazing. We're sure your special uncle will think so too if you were to buy one for him.
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Badass Mofo doormat
- £23.95
- Badass Doormat - because standards are important!
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Alright? doormat
- £23.95
- This Alright doormat has been a talking point in the office. Is saying "Alright?" more of a northern thing?
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Homo Sweet Homo doormat
- £23.95
- This Homo Sweet Homo doormat is amazing. We're sure your special uncle will think so too if you were to buy one for him.
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Casa de Homo doormat
- £23.95
- This Casa de Homo doormat is amazing. We're sure your special uncle will think so too if you were to buy one for him.
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Gay AF doormat
- £23.95
- This Gay AF doormat is amazing. We're sure your special uncle will think so too if you were to buy one for him.
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You Are Here doormat
- £23.95
- This You Are Here doormat is multi-function. It helps people out yet also sends them gently on their way. Ah Bless.
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Off You Fuck
- £23.95
- This Off You Fuck doormat truly is the ultimate in doormat technology. We should be charging a lot more for it really.
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No Fatties
- £23.95
- Stricly No Fatties. I mean, yeah, it's important to embrace everyone but only if you can actually get your arms around them.
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Hello You Cunt doormat
- £23.95
- Surely everyones heart warms just a tad tad upon hearing those immortal three little words....'Hello You Cunt'?
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Fuck Right Off
- £23.95
- This doormat certainly gets straight to the point, as coir and PVC-backed greetings go. No messing here.
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Guten Tag Numb Nuts
- £23.95
- Guten Tag Numb Nuts. It just rolls off the tongue doesn't it? Almost as if those words were always destined to go together.
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Welcome Mother Fucker
- £23.95
- We believe that this Welcome Mother Fucker doormat sets the correct tone to visitors. It says "yes, welcome...but don't stay long".
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Welcome Bitches
- £23.95
- If you're anything like us ie you're a player, pimp and all-round bad boy, living the bad boy life...you need this Welcome Bitches doormat.
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Feck Off doormat
- £23.95
- This Feck Off doormat works just as well in Dundee, Liverpool or Exeter as it does upon the tropical shores of Craggy Island.
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We’re Classy As Fuck
- £23.95
- We decided to make this as just by law of averages, some of our customers will be all posh and that.
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Come The Fuck In
- £23.95
- Nothing worse than folk stood at your door, mulling over stepping inside. With this doormat, you subtly urge them to make a decision.
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Bonjour Fuck Face
- £23.95
- Because nothing says "welcome to my dwelling, I hope you to find the inhabitants both friendly and cultured" like a Bonjour Fuck Face doormat.
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The One Where You Fuck Off
- £23.95
- You like Friends but don't want any visiting, right? Well with this The One Where You Fuck Off doormat, all your problems are solved.
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